Order of the Eastern Star & Worthy Matron's Source


	Annette's Fraternal Merchandise STORIES & JOKES FROM OUR FRIENDS / CUSTOMERS1

... STORIES & JOKES FROM OUR FRIENDS ...

SMILE AND ENJOY

MASONIC STORIES & JOKES- POEMS, ETC..SEND ME YOUR FAVORITES:

Those men who help my dad each day,

They wear those Mason rings.

A Square and Compass set in gold,

The praise of which I sing.

My dad, he hurt his back you know,

One cold and wintry day.

He slipped and fell upon the ice,

The insurance would not pay.

And since that time those rings I see,

On hands that help us much.

With mowing lawns and hauling trash,

Each day my heart they touch.

They even built a house for me,

Amid our backyard tree.

Where all the neighbor kids,

Would play with laughter full of glee.

My Mom she cried from happiness,

The time the Masons came.

To aid our family in distress,

Without a thought of gain.

And when I'm big, just like my dad,

Of this it must be told.

I want to wear a ring like his,

A Square and Compass gold.

Long years have passed since when

My dad was in that plaster cast.

And since I swore that Solemn Oath,

Which unites us to the last.

But more than that I'm proud to say,

I wear his Mason ring.

The one dad wore for many years,

Until his death this spring.

And one last time his comrades came,

To aid my weeping mother.

They praised and bid a fond farewell,

To our fallen Brother.

And after which MY son did ask,

About their Aprons white.

And of the rings upon their hands.

Of gold so shiny bright.

With tearful eyes I said with pride,

They're men of spirit pure.

Those men who wear those Mason rings,

Of that you can be sure.

And before he went to bed that night,

The family he foretold.

Someday I'll wear a ring like dad's,

A Square and Compass gold.

By: Bro. Michael R. Strampe

Past Master: Lake Lodge #189

F&AM Milwaukee, Wisconsin

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A new initiate returns home to his wife who is naturally curious to know what went on. The conversation goes something like this:

(She) Well how'd it go ?

(He) Very well - most interesting

(She) What did go on ?

(He) I'm not really sure if I can tell you about it.

(She) Well is there anything you *can* tell me ?

(He) Well it seems there are 3 classes of men in the Lodge -walkers, talkers and Holy men.

(She) What do they do - if you can tell me ?

(He) The walkers walked me around the lodge. The Talkers talked to me and to the walkers as I was led around ....

(She) And the Holy men ? What of them ?

(He) They seem to be a special class of men - all in dark blue and gold aprons and gauntlets. They just sit on the benches around the lodge with their heads in their hands chanting repeatedly - "Oh My God Oh My God !"
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This was sent to me by Sister Rosemary Archibeque ...thank you Rosemary

Father’s Lodge
Douglas Malloch

Father’s lodge, I well remember, wasn’t large as lodges go;
There was trouble in December; getting to it through the snow.
But he seldom missed a meeting; drifts or blossoms in the lane,
Still the Tyler head his greetings, winter ice or summer rain.

Father’s lodge thought nothing of it; ‘mid their labors and their cares;
Those old Masons learned to love it; that fraternity of theirs.
What’s a bit of stormy weather, when a little down the road.
Men are gathering together, helping bear each other’s load?

Father’s lodge had made a village; men of father’s sturdy brawn.
Turned a wilderness to tillage; seized the flag, and carried on.
Made a village, built a city, shaped a country, formed a state.
Simple men, not wise nor witty, humble, and yet how great!

Father’s lodge had caught the gleaming of the great Masonic past;
Thinking, toiling, daring, dreaming, they were builders to the last.
Quiet men, not rich nor clever, with the tools they found a hand;
Building for a great forever; first a village, then a land.

Father’s lodge it was no temple, built of steel and carved of stone;
Marble columns, ceilings gilded, father’s lodge has never known.
But a heritage of glory they have left, the humble ones –
They have left their mighty story in the keeping of their sons.

-- Edited by WB John F. Browne, 2002.
** The Valley News, Valley of Bellingham , Volume 2, May/June 2006; Number 5.

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A man had been convicted of murder and was about to be hanged. Just before the sentence was executed, the hangman asked the man if he had any last words.
"Yes" came his reply, "I hate Masons!"
"Why do you hate Masons?" asked the hangman.
"The man I killed was a Mason," explained the murderer, "the sheriff who hunted me down was a Mason, the Prosecutor who tried my case was a Mason, the Judge who presided at the trial was a Mason, and all of the men on the jury who found me guilty and said I should be hanged were Masons!"
"Is that all?" asked the hangman, "
"Yes" replied the convicted murder.
"Then you will advance one step with your left foot."
Thanks from Brother John for this funny one.

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A mason who had just been installed as Master of his lodge and was duly attending all the functions he could was having a hard time with his wife.
She said " All those "masters-in-office" have to do is click their fingers and you would be there, wouldn't you?........she continued with....
I wish I was a master!"
After due thought, he said... "So do I dear.....
we swap them for a new one every year!!"
...Thanks from Brother JL

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Q: How many Masons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Three.
One to screw it in, one to read the minutes of the previous light bulb replacement, and one to sit on the sidelines and complain that this wasn't the way they USED to screw in light bulbs
...thanks to Sister Judy Owen for this one and the one below.

. How many Masons does it take to change a light bulb?
A. After much research this tricky question can now be answered. It takes 20, as follows:
2 to complain that the light doesn't work.
1 to pass the problem to either another committee, the Temple Board or the Master of the Lodge.
3 to do a study on light in the Lodge.
2 to check out the types of lights the Knights of Columbus use.
3 to argue about it.
5 to plan a fund-raising dinner to raise money for the bulb.
2 to complain that "that's not the way we did it before."
1 to borrow a ladder, donate the bulb and install it.
1 to order the brass memorial plate and have it inscribed.

Masonic Trivia

Submitted by Brother Tom Jacobs in Boardman, OH.....Thank you Brother Tom!

At one time, Golden Lodge #5, Stanstead, Canada occupied a lodge room, which straddled the boundary between Canada and the United States. There were entrances on both sides of the border.

Washington Chapter #3 of Portsmouth, NH announced its meetings via the town crier, who received from 6 to 25 cents for his work.

In 1872 the commissioner of Patents held that the Masonic emblem could not be used in a trademark or trade name for commercial purposes.

In Hammer v. State, 173 Indiana, 199 (1909), the Supreme Court ruled that it was a criminal offense to wear the emblem of any society or organization of which one is not a member. The court based its decision on the fact that the membership in such societies is the result of fitness and selection and that the wearing of such emblems by non-members is a deceit and false pretense.

In Robinson v. Yates City Lodge, 86 Illinois, 598 (1877), a court ruled that an expelled Mason was not entitled to the return of his degree fees. The court held that the plaintiff voluntarily paid the fees and the expulsion under the provisions of the rules of the organization does not constitute the rescission of a contract under which the fees were paid.

Frederick A Bartholdi, a freemason, designed the statue of Liberty in NY harbor. Grand Lodge of NY laid the corner stone on August 5, 1885. Bernard Pierre Mangam, Marshall of France and Senator was appointed Grand Master of the Grand Orient of France and served from 1862 to 1865. This is unusual because he was not a Mason. He was appointed by Emperor Napoleon III.

The letters of the English word GOD are the first three letters of Hebrew words for beauty, strength, and wisdom. G in Gomez, O in Oz, D in Dabar.

In 1860 in Limerick, Ireland, there as found a stone in a small chapel, dated 1517, with the following inscription: "I will serve to live with love & care, upon the level, and by the square."

Francis Stephens, the Duke of Lorraine, received the first two Masonic degrees in 1731 in a special lodge convened at The Hague, Holland, becoming the first known royal freemason. Later he received the third degree in England. In 1735 renounced his title.

Dr. Joseph Ignace Guillotine was a member of Concorde Fraternelle Lodge of Paris and a member of the French Assembly. He obviously invented the device that bears his name and was later executed with one.

The Rev. William Dodd, first Chaplain of the Grand Lodge of England, was hanged for forgery on June 2nd, 1777.

In 1839 the Mormons left Missouri and settled in the area of Nauvoo, IL. On October 15, 1841, the IL Grand Master issued a dispensation to form a lodge at Nauvoo. On March 15th, 1842, Joseph Smith received his first degree and the others shortly after. Certain irregularities were reported - in five months the lodge initiated 256 candidates and 243 were raised. After investigation, the grand master revoked the dispensation, but the lodge continued to work. On April 5, 1844, the Mormon masons dedicated a Masonic Temple. IL Masons got in trouble for taking part in the ceremony. Opposition to the group and internal dissension led to the assassination of Joseph Smith and the removal of the Mormons from IL.

Operative Lodge #150 in Aberdeen, Scotland is unusual in that it is only open to operative stonemasons.

Dr. Edward Jenner, in 1789 discovered the vaccination process against smallpox. He was worshipful master of Faith and Friendship Lodge #270 in Berkeley, England at the time.

In July 1863, Confederate raiders rode into Versailles, IN, capturing the local militia and stealing the county treasury. The next day, General John Morgan (CSA), learned that his men had also made off with the jewels of the local lodge. They were returned the following day. Morgan was from Daviess Lodge #22, Lexington, KY.

Wheelock Commandery No. 5 in Texas had all 55 of its members killed serving in the Confederate Army. The Commandery ceased to exist.

Missouri's first Confederate Capitol was the Masonic Building in Neosho, MS. From here the legislature passed the Act of Secession.

USA General Thomas Benton, also grand master of Iowa, ordered federal troops to protect Albert Pike's home and prevent the library from being burned, when his troops took Little Rock, AR.

July 2, 1751, Ferdinand VI of Spain issued an edict against Freemasonry. Father Jose Torrubia secured a special dispensation from the Pope, joined a lodge, secured the names of its members, and proceeded to have them arrested. Hundreds were arrested, persecuted, and imprisoned.

When Mussolini gained control of Italy, Masonic lodges were declared illegal and the grand master was arrested, tried, and imprisoned, where he died.
Mussolini also ordered all Masonic references removed, including the emblems on the base of Garibaldi's monument in Rome. After the restoration of the republic, fascist emblems were removed and the Masonic emblems restored.

In Fascist Spain under Franco, it was a crime to be a freemason. Masons convicted had to serve prison terms equal in years to the number of Masonic degrees possessed. Master Mason =3D 3 years.

Winnedumah Lodge #287 of Bishop, CA holds its meetings at 270 feet below sea level, the lowest lodge in North America.

In 1954 Martin's Station Lodge No. 188 of VA was opened 952 feet below the surface of Cumberland Mountain in Cudjo's Cave, which lies between Cumberland Gap, Tenn. and Middleburo, KY. 345 Masons were present and a MM degree was conferred.

Chicago, IL has three American Legion Posts whose memberships are entirely Masonic.

All four Presidents of the Republic of Texas, David Burnett, Sam Houston, Mirabeau Lamar, and Anson Jones, were masons.

Between 1737 and 1779 two sailing ships of interest operated off the U.S. eastern seaboard, Freemason and Master Mason. The Freemason caught fire and sank in Marblehead Harbor, Mass in 1779.

On November 10, 1928, the grand lodge of California held a special communication at Culver City, to lay the corner stone of the Masonic temple. The lodge room was so crowded that the grand lodge officers were unable to enter. They retired to the Ladies' powder room to open the grand lodge for the ceremony.

In 1801, Czar Alexander I of Russia banned the craft. In 1803 he rescinded the order and became a Freemason. But in 1822 he again ordered Freemasonry banned in Russia.

In May, 1843, a group of representatives from fourteen grand lodges met in Baltimore, MD, with the view of adopting uniform ritual. The mtg. was presided over by John Dove of VA; Charles W. Moore of Mass prepared the proposed ritual. The convention's work was not generally accepted.

In 1799, Barton Lodge in Upper Canada accepted "good merchantable wheat" in payment of lodge dues.

Lodge St. George in Bermuda has rented an old state house since 1816 from the Governor for the sum of "one peppercorn per year."

Abraham Jones served as Grand Master of Kentucky 1933-34 and grand master of Illinois, 1840-41.

Dr. Carlos Rodriguez-Jimenez was grand master of the grand lodge of Venezuela in 1947. In 1957 he became the grand master of the grand lodge of Japan.

In 1892, the tallest building in the world was the Masonic Temple at Randolph and State Streets, Chicago, IL

Brother William Brockmeier (1866-1947) of St. Louis conducted 5586 Masonic funeral services.

Thomas Jacob Shryock served as grand master of Maryland for 32 years. He died after being elected to serve his 33rd.

The largest Master's chair is in Ophir Lodge #33 Murphys, CA. It is 15 feet long and can seat the Master, living Past Masters, and visiting dignitaries.

On June 7, 1921, Mystic Lodge #21 of Red Bank, NJ conferred half of the MM degree on brother Lyman C. Van when the power went out. He didn't receive the rest of the degree for several weeks, making him for a time, a "two and half degree" mason.

When the great Obelisk of Alexandria (Cleopatra's Needle) was moved to New York in 1880, there were discovered certain emblems on the original foundation and pedestal. One is clearly a square, causing some to conclude that Masonry existed in ancient Egypt. This issue is still open to debate.

The two structures in the U.S that have elevators which move sideways, in addition to up and down are the Arch in St. Louis and the George Washington Masonic Memorial in Alexandria.

The Grand Master of Mass. commanded rebels at Bunker Hill while the grand master of England commanded English forces. The G.M of Mass was killed.

On August 23, 1879, Lodge #239 of France held a meeting in a balloon flying over Paris, at which time a brother was initiated.

On his famous solo flight across the Atlantic, Charles Lindbergh wore a square and compasses on his jacket as a good luck piece. He was a mason.

Richard E. Byrd and his pilot Bernt Balchen, both brothers, dropped Masonic flags over the north and south poles. Brother Balchen also tossed his shrine fez on the South Pole.

Gordon Cooper, in his Mercury capsule, carried a Masonic coin and a blue Masonic flag on his 22 orbit flight, which he later presented to his mother lodge.

Montana's first livestock brand was a square and compasses and is still in use. It was registered by Pointdexter Orr of Beaverhead County, MT in 1872.

Andrew McNair, a Philadelphia Mason, rang the Liberty bell in Independence Hall of July 8, 1776 to call the people together to hearing the reading of the Declaration of Independence. The bell developed a crack when it was rung for the death of Chief Justice Marshall, Past Grand Master of Virginia.

Grand Masters generally have the power to make "masons at sight," which means the Master can do away with the formalities such as filing of petitions, waiting periods, etc. Some famous Masons who were made include: William H. Taft, General George Marshall, and General Douglas MacArthur.

In the 1800's several grand lodges established Masonic colleges. The most successful of which was in Hannibal, MS in 1847. Kentucky, Tennessee, Arkansas, North Carolina, and Georgia all tried it but all were eventually closed due to lack of support.

In the spring of 1966, brother Dallas Coleman of Denison Lodge #373 of Kansas was digging a pond when he came across an overturned gravestone marked with square and compasses. Research lead to determination that it belonged to brother Henry Craig (1832-1862) of Valley Falls Lodge #21. The brethren of the lodge reset and cleaned the monument and erected a fence around it to keep livestock away. And continue to maintain it.

Lyndon Johnson took the first degree of October 30, 1937 but never progressed any further.

Sam Rayburn, Speaker of the House took his first degree on August 7, 1922. He died in 1961 without receiving the second.

Warren G. Harding was initiated on June 28, 1901 and it took him 19 years to complete the other two.

Lodges in Mass. have no numbers

In Penn. there are 11 lodges that have numbers but no names.

In Georgia there are two lodges with the number 1.

In Maryland, Tennessee and Penn. there is no lodge with the number 1

Masonic Places in the US: Anchor, IL Beehive, MT Boaz, AL Charity, MS Circle, MT Cowan, TN Emblem, WY Eureka, WV Faith, SD False Pass, AK Fidelity, IL Five Points, AL Freeborn, MN Grand Pass, MS Hiram, MA Hope, AK Jachin, AL Justice, IL Lodge, SC Mason, KY Masonic Home, KY Masontown, WV Square, MT Steward, IL Symbol, KY Temperance, MI Tyler, TX

Hiram Abiff Boaz, born Dec. 18 1866 in Murray, KY. Received his degrees in 1922 before an usually large crowd and served as Grand Chaplin (TX) in 1953.

Joseph A. Gilmore (1811-1867), former governor of N.H. was made a Mason at sight on April 28, 1863. He received Scottish Rite degrees and was awarded 33rd degree on May 7, 1863 - only 9 days later.

Between 1890 (when it became a state) and 1951, every governor of Wyoming, except one, was a Mason. The one, Mrs. William A. Ross, was the wife of a mason and a member of Eastern Star.

Every President from Tenn. was a Mason (Jackson, Johnson, Polk) President FDR raised two of his sons on the same night, Nov 7, 1935 - Architect Lodge #519 in NY.

In 1951, while President, Harry Truman served as Master of his lodge.

Sacramento Chapter #3, Royal Arch Masons has supplied 4 governors of CA. (J. Neeley Johnson, Lantham, Pacheo, Hiram Johnson)

William Hesketh Lever Lodge #2916, England was the only lodge named for a non- mason, the first Viscount of Leverhulm (the soap manufacturer).

Paul Revere was a Mason, as was his cohort, Robert Newman, who hung the lantern in the old north church.

Angelo Soliman, was born in Africa in 1721 and brought to Europe as a slave at the age of ten. He was educated, married, and became a favorite in the royal court in Vienna. Somewhere before 1771 he became a mason. When he died 1776, the Emperor had his body stuffed and mounted in the natural history museum, becoming not only the first black of African birth to become a mason, but the also the first mason to be stuffed, mounted, and displayed.

John Aasen of Highland Park Lodge No. 382 in Los Angeles, CA was the largest known MM ever raised. At the time he was 8.5 feet tall and weighed 536 pounds.

Charles Stratton, a.k.a. Tom Thumb, was 24 inches high and weighed 16 pounds when raised in 1862.

Theodore Parvin was Grand Secretary for Iowa from 1844 to 1901, except for 1852- 53 when he was Grand Master.

When asked of Masonry, President William McKinley explained: "After the battle of Opequam, I went with the surgeon of our Ohio regiment to the field where 5,000 confederate prisoners were under guard. As soon as we passed the guard, the doctor shook hands with a number of prisoners and began passing out his roll of bills. On the way back to camp I asked him, 'Did you know those men?' 'No' 'But you gave them a lot of money, do you expect to get it back?' 'If they are able to pay me back, they will. It makes no difference to me; they are brother masons in trouble and I am only doing my duty.' I said to my self, 'If that is Masonry, I will take some of it myself.'"

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M-JOKE:

It seems that another Mason, Master of his Lodge, went to Heaven and met with St. Peter.
He identified himself as a member of the Craft and St. Peter asked, "What Lodge?"
Proudly the Master replied, "Old Adage Lodge #1."
St. Peter immediately took him to the Masonic Clock Room.
The Master, in puzzlement, looked around the room which was filled with clocks. Each clock had a Lodge's name on a brass plate and, strangely enough, each clock was at a different time.
He asked why and St. Peter informed him that the hands only moved when someone in that Lodge made a mistake in the Ritual.
The Master then asked where his Lodge's clock was as he couldn't see it. St. Peter replied, "Why, it's in the kitchen, of course."
"The kitchen," said the Master?
"Yes, you see, we needed a new fan."
This came from Brother Lewis Blackmon

There's a man, walking down the street at 1 in the morning and he's very drunk.
A policeman stops him and asks: Where are you going in that condition?
Man: II'mm on mmyy waayyy to a lectttuurre on FFreemmassonnrrry.
Officer: Where can you possibly get a lecture on Freemasonry at this time of night?
Man: Frromm mmyy wifffe, wwhenn I gget homme!
Thanks to Brother Timothy Simmons on this one.
It seems a Jewish family had rented an apartment that sat directly under the Masonic Temple, and at least once a month they would always hear this stomping from above.
One day Izzy told his wife he was going to drill a hole in the ceiling and see what those Masons were up to. After doing so, one evening he heard some stomping coming from above, so he got his ladder, climbed up and decided to take a peek. After a few moments, he flew down the ladder and ran in and told his wife to pack all their belongs and "Let's get out of here and fast !!!"
When she asked why, Izzy told her that he was just peeking in on the Masons above and saw them kill a man and said they were going to blame it on the 'JEW-BELOW.'
Thanks Brother John B. from Texas for this one.

A Candidate for initiation was to be picked up and driven to the Lodge, but before this could happen the car broke down. The Candidate said as it was no great distance he would go on his bicycle.
Just when he reached the top of the hill his chain broke. As the Lodge was at the bottom of the other side and all he needed was a backpedal brake, so he repaired the chain with a cord he had in his pocket and free-wheeled downhill to the Lodge. Later that evening in reply to a toast in his honor, he said how proud he was to be a Freemason but could not understand, as he had told no one, how the WM knew that he had come on his own free wheel and a cord.

Bro. John and Bro. Mike are getting dressed and ready for a lodge meeting. When John takes his apron out of the case, Mike notices a pair of silk stockings unrolling and hanging out of the case. Mike asks: "I say, John, what's this with the ladies stuff ?" John gives a quick look and whispers: "You remember the installation meeting last year ?" Mike acknowledges and John goes on: "Keep it a secret, but on the way home I stopped at the pub where I met this lovely woman. Apparently she lost her stockings in my car, and my wife found them. I told my wife I was passed to a higher degree, and ever since she takes 'm out of the case washes them and puts them back in with my gloves !"
Did you see this?? If not, Please read! And we say AMEN!!

109th CONGRESS
1st Session
H. RES. 17
Recognizing the thousands of Freemasons in every State in the Nation and honoring them for their many contributions to the Nation throughout its history. IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES January 4, 2005 Mr. GILLMOR (for himself and Mr. KINGSTON) submitted the following resolution; which was referred to the Committee on Government Reform
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RESOLUTION
Recognizing the thousands of Freemasons in every State in the Nation and honoring them for their many contributions to the Nation throughout its history.
Whereas Freemasons, whose long lineage extends back to before the Nation's founding, have set an example of high moral standards and charity for all people;
Whereas the Founding Fathers of this great Nation and signers of the Constitution, most of whom were Freemasons, provided a well-rounded basis for developing themselves and others into valuable citizens of the United States;
Whereas members of the Masonic Fraternity, both individually and as an organization, continue to make invaluable charitable contributions of service to the United States;
Whereas the Masonic Fraternity continues to provide for the charitable relief and education of the citizens of the United States;
Whereas the Masonic Fraternity is deserving of formal recognition of their long history of care-giving for the citizenry and their example of high moral standards; and
Whereas Freemasons have always revered and celebrated St. John's Day, June 24th, as dedicated to their patron saints:
Now, therefore, be it Resolved, That the House of Representatives recognizes the thousands of Freemasons in every State in the Nation and honors them for their many contributions to the Nation throughout its history.
Thank you Brother Tom Jacobs for sending this to us!

A Doctor and Plumber are in the same Lodge. On Sunday Morning the Doctor wakes up to find his toilet blocked. So he rings the Plumber.
"But I don't work Sundays! Can't it wait until tomorrow." The Doctor said. "I don't like working Sundays either but if you were in trouble, and felt unwell, Brother I would come round to see you"
"OK" says the Plumber and goes round to the Doctor. Goes upstairs and looks at the toilet, take two aspirins from his pocket and throws them down the bowl. "There" he says "If it's no better tomorrow give me a ring and I will call round."

A man is walking through the recreation ground of his local park when he notices a huge fight in full fury on the football pitch he is passing. "What's going on?" he asks a spectator watching from the side-lines. The other replies "It's a match between the Masons and the Knights of Columbus." "What's the score?" asks the first man. "I don't know, it's a secret."
This one was sent to me by Sister Janie Williams.

Keep them a'coming folks, we all need a great laugh daily!!

Joke, submitted, name withheld by request:

A postman, on his route, picked up a letter from a mailbox that was addressed to God.

The postman seeing that the letter was not sealed, and there being no postage on it, opened and read it.

It was from a man who was down on his luck and was asking God for help.
The letter asked for $50.00 to get his family through the next week.

The postman, being a Mason, took the letter to the Lodge that evening, read it, and asked for donations for the unfortunate fellow.

The Brethern, wanting to help, took up a collection, and received twenty five dollars in the bucket.

The Secretary placed the cash in a Lodge envelope, and gave it to the postman to deliver the following day, which he did.
Another day passed, and the postman again found an unsealed letter in the mailbox addressed to God, and again he opened and read the letter, which thanked God for the money, but instructed him to send it through the Knights of Columbus next time, as the Masons kept half.

M-JOKE:
A small Lodge had had a string of bad luck. It was preparing to initiate a candidate on a steamy evening in June and it's air conditioner had stopped working. After sweating their way through part of the work, the Master had asked the candidate what he most desired. The candidate replied "a beer". At this juncture the WM., being startled, whispered "light" to the candidate. "OK," the candidate replied, "a lite beer."
Thanks to Brother Will Wright for this one.

A tired old mason whose hair was gray, Came to the gates of Heaven one day, When asked, what on earth he had done the most, He said he had replied to the Visitors Toast. St. Peter said, as he tolled the Bell, Come inside my Brother you've had enough of Hell.
Amen Brother Hall.

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